I Know What You Did

 Originally posted on Myspace: July 28, 2010

It has come to my attention that a certain, unnamed Myspace blogger has been stirring up shit, spreading lies about people.

You know who you are!

Well, two can play at that game.

See, I've been digging through Google and searching for clues about your dirty laundry, which I fully intend to expose to the entire Myspace community if you do not comply with my demands. To show you what a good guy I really, really am, I'm gonna give you a chance to make things right before I expose you.

Still not sure if I'm talking about you?
(Who would know around here anymore.)

I'll tell you what I found.

While searching for an affair, a hidden murder record, a "Friday night alter-ego", or anything else I could use against you, I stumbled upon your store receipts. Oh, yes I did! It seems a certain, still unnamed blogger has been buying low-grade, store brand pet food for their pets, while perpetrating to everyone online that they only buy Purina!

I bet you didn't think I would figure it out, huh?

Oh, and I found out a little something else. I know what you were doing at the YMCA this last winter. Yeah, maybe the Village People would be proud, but if the Myspace blogging community caught wind of your shenanigans, you would be ostracized permanently for at least a month or so!

So, now you know who you are. You have 24 hours to write your "I'm Leaving Myspace" blog and delete yourself off this site. If you do not comply, I will expose your dirty secrets. I will call your local SPCA, your probation officer, your Pastor, and anyone you looked down on at that dog park. I will hunt you and your family down on Facebook and I will let everyone know that you can't be trusted to buy groceries anymore.

I don't want to do it, but I will! This is your only warning.

24 hours starts............NOW. That is all.