Originally posted on Myspace: July 28, 2010
It has come to my attention that a certain, unnamed Myspace blogger has been stirring up shit, spreading lies about people.
You know who you are!
Well, two can play at that game.
See, I've been digging through Google and searching for clues about your dirty laundry, which I fully intend to expose to the entire Myspace community if you do not comply with my demands. To show you what a good guy I really, really am, I'm gonna give you a chance to make things right before I expose you.
Still not sure if I'm talking about you?
(Who would know around here anymore.)
I'll tell you what I found.
While searching for an affair, a hidden murder record, a "Friday night alter-ego", or anything else I could use against you, I stumbled upon your store receipts. Oh, yes I did! It seems a certain, still unnamed blogger has been buying low-grade, store brand pet food for their pets, while perpetrating to everyone online that they only buy Purina!
I bet you didn't think I would figure it out, huh?
Oh, and I found out a little something else. I know what you were doing at the YMCA this last winter. Yeah, maybe the Village People would be proud, but if the Myspace blogging community caught wind of your shenanigans, you would be ostracized permanently for at least a month or so!
So, now you know who you are. You have 24 hours to write your "I'm Leaving Myspace" blog and delete yourself off this site. If you do not comply, I will expose your dirty secrets. I will call your local SPCA, your probation officer, your Pastor, and anyone you looked down on at that dog park. I will hunt you and your family down on Facebook and I will let everyone know that you can't be trusted to buy groceries anymore.
I don't want to do it, but I will! This is your only warning.
24 hours starts............NOW. That is all.
Originally posted on Myspace: July 27, 2010
Well, it's no longer fun to just fight and call people names in a blog. You have to post people's personal info, get their blogs/profile deleted, delete their btr archives using their info that they gave to you, and now, the latest thing is to just nark on that person and stand by with an innocent face and act like you weren't pushing your own agenda and aren't trying to turn people against anyone.
You people are disgusting, with your complete lack of morality and common decency that is the norm around Myspace. On that note, let me go ahead and confess to some more shit because if you're gonna rat people out, it's better to beat them to the punch. Don't wait for a Myspace blog to turn ugly before you swoop in act like they started it all!
Here are some things you people may not have known, but I'm gonna let you in on:
World.B.Free is really a white guy from Poland.
hulia NAA
isn't even a person. She's a secret, government-run profile that mediates social networks. Actually, all her responses are generated by a supercomputer, THE HULIA 2000. That's where they got her name from.
KellyJo Phone sex operator? Hardly. She works the drive-thru at Burger King. Yes, it can get hot and heavy late at night over the intercom, but that hardly qualifies as a separate job as a phone sex operator.
Mrs Clayton is a 35 year old time traveler from the 1950's, here on a research project about the future. I'll save you some time, Mrs. C, the future is so bright that you gotta wear shades, but it still sucks.
Stone Crazy and Carl are both white. (Damn, are there any black people here?)
Michael, the Rochester Guy!
is a rich, closeted Liberal, who suffers from Liberal Guilt, so he plays a Conservative on Myspace.
Sabrina Phillips isn't a person at all. She's a an auto-refreshing test program, run by Myspace to determine the fairness of the rankings in Myspace Category.
Robert writes some of the best blogs on Myspace. Wait, that's not so much a secret if you've read him, it's just that no one ever sees him. Seriously, read his blogs some time.
Human Evolution is actually the Myspace profile for Kirk Cameron. You bitches thought it was about evolution, huh? It's about keeping track of all the Myspace Atheists, so they can be properly "witnessed" to by Daddy or by this clown, who goes by the name
UNPOPULAR OPINION.
EricBrooks.Com®
is actually gay and actually does work as a phone sex operator. What? That wasn't a secret? Oh, my bad.
★ ruby_slippers ★ ( The One)
is actually AXLE RAGE, who is actually Dirty Sally, who is actually The Unsinkable Bad Lisa, who is actually MnL, who is actually Terry Nicholls: The Mayor of Crunkville. Did you follow all that? Don't worry, the devil's in the details anyhow.
Stacey
Uhhhhhhhh, well I can't think of any of her secrets. She's like an open book. Seriously, woman, close that book sometime. A few secrets never hurt anyone.
Myspace Reunion is Bad Lisa's secret profile she wrote from "prison".
Shit, did I miss anybody? If I did, rest assured I'll be telling all your business before you can tell mine. Just give me a heads up, ok?
Originally posted on Myspace; July 26, 2010 (Edited)
I want to focus on a serious subject that is plaguing Myspace blogging.
I want to talk to you about the dangers of Myspacisillius Bloganonsensicus Paralyisus (MBP). It is a disease that affects 40, maybe 50 Myspace bloggers a year (the numbers could potentially be higher, but that's all the people who are left blogging up in this joint). It's a tragic disease that leaves it's victims devastated, the enemies of it's victims lulzing, and a junkyard full of wasted blog space, deleted blog dreams, and top ten categories filled with drivel. I want everyone to be aware of the symptoms, so you know how to tell when one of your fellow bloggers has been infected.
Myspace scientists are baffled about what causes MBP, but here are some of it's symptoms the blogger may show:
1. Posting 3 to 4 blogs a day talking about stuff no one cares about and that they didn't even write on their own.
2. Writing a drama blog about how they are "above" the drama.
3. Writing drama blogs about people, blocking them, then going to other blogs to tell those people about how their enemies are too "weak-ass" to take them on in their own blog, which they know damn well the person can't respond in.
4. Writing blogs where you claim to be morally superior, or imply your moral superiority over others, while you are secretly doing some of the same b.s. on the d.l. (No one is innocent around here, you heard?)
5. Spreading lies about diseases, criminal records, or a person's past sexual conviction charges (whether it's the trues or not).
6. Goes into accounts that other blogger's freely gave them access to, and deletes all their shit, just for the lulz. (Hey, if you aren't reporting it and you had access to it, it's fair game).
7. Claiming that you are the baddest motherfuckcas, bitch, asshole, the most-hated, the JUGGERNAUT, or the head bitch up in this camp. (Seriously, you're trying to hard to be the e-shit of Myspace).
8. Auto-refreshes blogs to rank and creates fake profiles to comment on their blog, then has a comment exchange with themselves their fake profiles.
9. Claims they are leaving Myspace, then comes back a few days, few weeks, or a few months later. (No one leaves this place). Although, in fairness, the people who try to say "I thought you said you were leaving Myspace?" might actually be the dumb ones. I mean, seriously, did you buy that? You're an idiot.
10. Claims "I have no shame in my game!". (Uh, here's $5, go buy yourself some shame, because if you are saying some shit like that, you probably need it.)
So, there it is. I'm sure there may be more symptoms of this tragic disease and I'd love to hear if I missed anything. Let's get the word out there about MBP. If you, a loved one, a fellow Myspace blogger, or anyone else you just hate suffers from this disease, now is the time for an intervention. Who knows, you may save a life, and that life you save may be your own.
